Day 136 – Kathy’s Diary

14th July 2012

“Silence fell between us, Kathy just wasn’t ready to hear all I had to say, so instead, I hugged her closer in the hope that she would realise no matter what, I would always love her, we were two peas in a pod and no matter whatever happened in her life I would always be beside her, helping her through it all.

Kathy snuggled into my embrace, wriggled a bit, but at last settled down”.

Well there you go! My first attempt at trying to write for the outside world (embarrassed look) Please be gentle with me, 🙂 what do you think? Should I give up now?

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10 thoughts on “Day 136 – Kathy’s Diary

  1. Love the words but would change the punctuation. Make “Silence fell between us” its own sentence (and kill the quotation mark). I’d also replace the comma after “I would always love her” with a period. And I’m not sure exactly where, but I think another comma in your last sentence in that paragraph would help–maybe after peas in a pod.

    The words are great. Might help to read it to yourself out loud–put a period where you stop and a comma where you pause.

    Hope this is helpful and you definitely need to keep writing!

    • Thank you, that is brilliant 🙂 I’ve just been out and purchased English Grammer for Dummies. (knew I should of paid more attention at sch) thank you for your honesty. 😀 x

      • Punctuation is a challenge. Everyone I know has comma issues and it’s rare when the writers in my critique group agree on the best way to punctuate a paragraph. The writing is lovely. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation are learned skills. Writing is a gift, and I think you’ve got it.

  2. Michaels suggestion of reading it out loud is a great one Sam 🙂

    Wow! go you! I like it 🙂

    My only suggestion is that you’ve used ‘no matter’ twice in the same sentence, but bloody hell woman, that’s a minor point! Good on you for sharing honey! BRILLIANT! 🙂

    Xx

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