I wrote the other day about my father passing away and his dying wish of his body going to medical research at his local college hospital. Well due to the incompetence of dads local NHS doctor, the need to act quickly by simply answering a questionnaire and faxing the form back to the London Anatomy department on Monday as requested, however leaving the form to the last-minute of Wednesday, the mindless red tape and the attitude of one person, not going that extra mile, to make a dying man’s last wish come true, The Anatomy department turned the body down, as no one has turned dads pacemaker off and there being no time to arrange for the machine to be sorted. The cardiac nurse that covered dads pacemaker being fitted, was not prepared to leave her office that morning and drive to the mortuary (5 miles down the road) to perform this simple act, no matter how much pleading was put into place.
So, we found ourselves arranging a funeral that my dad didn’t want and had left no instructions for.
How do you go about arranging a funeral? Still we hit our heads against the red tape monster and the slow no need for urgency job worth’s. Thank god for our funeral directors a family company that is willing to help and make our path through this traumatic time as easy as can be.
Still people didn’t complete jobs that they had started, unfortunately in the funeral business it seems if one person doesn’t pull their weight the rest of the procedure has to be held up. So my poor father found himself still at the corners office like some lost toy waiting for its owner to come and collect. We had to wait another week before I could visit him and explain why he was having the funeral he so didn’t want. Try telling him we did our best but at every corner we came to a human dead-end. I understand that my father has passed away, but I needed to explain to him for my peace of mind what was happening, before I had to say my final farewell
In the mean time we were left to sort out cars, flowers, donations to his chosen charity (British Heart foundation) I’ve set up a gift of hope fund in his memory where people can make donations instead of sending flowers. Also the music that is to be played at the funeral, I never truly understood how important it was to a family to get the right sort of music, it needs to be appropriated, say something about the person and have meaning that will last with you a life time. There’s the wake and believe it or not, very much like a wedding, you find yourself stepping on hot coals upsetting people because their thoughts and wishes haven’t been taken into consideration, when in truth you are too emotional yourself to even think straight let alone sort out a funeral and sometimes other people’s interference (what they consider helpful suggestions) is the last thing you need.
To be continued……..